What up, party people? Apologies for the long hiatus. I finished yet another mediocre school year, and then spent some quality time in Israel. A fun place, but holyfuckisithotthere. I still recommend that everyone pay a visit there, though.
Here is a story you might appreciate. Since I had absolutely no clean clothes upon my return from Israel, the first thing I had to do when I got back to the city was laundry. I emptied out my suitcase and realized that even my typical choices for laundry-day attire were dirty. I usually have the benefit of choosing between the gigantic, too-big for Rosie O'Donnell underwear or the fetus-sized underwear. I had already worn the giant pair, so I guess my choice was made for me. On went the tight ones. I gathered my clothes and schlepped them down the four flights of stairs to the laundry room, which would have been fine, except for my underwear was already causing a loss of blood flow to...vital...areas. By the time I made it to the washing machine, I had perhaps the worst wedgie ever.
The kind where you feel like picking your nose might help. The kind where once you take care of it, you are so happy, you feel the need to call someone and tell them. You get the idea.
There were two other guys in the laundry room, but there were standing next to me and appeared to be looking toward the opposite wall. I couldn't wait any longer, and decided that instead of losing my ability to bear children, fuck it. I was gonna solve this wedgie problem. So I did. I salvaged my underwear from the depths of my...oh, well you know. I even think leg bending was involved. I let out a nice sigh, and glanced over to make sure those guys were still looking at the other wall. They were not looking at the wall. They were looking at the VIDEO CAMERA in front of the wall. They were taping some sort of skit, and I had just unknowingly lent my skills as an extra.
Not only am I disgusting in person, there is now video proof of me acting like the most indelicate pig in the universe. "Where is Ariella's elbow?" Oh right. UP HER ASS, along with the rest of her arm, retrieving her underpants. I panicked, finishing my laundry as fast as humanly possible. Then, I ran out of there as fast as my constricting little underpants would let me go.
The video is probably on YouTube already. "FUNNY HAHA GIRLS PICKS ASS WATCH NOW XX69XX" or something like that.
