Wise Words

Wisdom I would like to share:
1. Never jump up to bat at a leaf, no matter how dangly and fun it looks. Your flip-flop will bend when you land, you will tear the top of your toe off, it will bleed a lot and then get infected, and you will be in pain. Toes don't like to heal properly, despite being given the tools to do so. Rebellious little fuckers.

2. Running across a linoleum floor stark naked and soaking wet is a bad idea. A very bad idea. You will crash into things, crack your kneecap, and be rendered speechless due to the pain. Then, after improperly caring for said knee, it will feel like flames are shooting through the joint with even the slightest movement. Much like toes, knees don't enjoy healing. Unlike toes, you only have two.

3.Yelling at people on the street is often a wonderful way to boost endorphins and relieve stress. However, looking at who you are yelling at before unleashing a verbal tirade is a great idea. The gentleman blocking the sidewalk with his GIANT FUCKING UMBRELLA may happen to be the same 44 year-old you went on a pity date with. Having him turn around to see you barking obscenities at him can be really awkward (and almost as uncomfortable as the date itself).

4. Brown noodle mush will always taste exactly how you would expect brown noodle mush to taste. And it won't change forms before it exits the system.