I don't do break-ups

After my most recent bout of crazy, my insurance company assigned me some sort of mental health case worker. I don't know what that means or how it happens, but gosh, do I feel special! I can only surmise that the cost of me offing myself is an expense Aetna would rather not incur. Anywho, "Brad" tells me I should be seeing a new shrink. Fine. The problem is, how do I break up with my old one?

I wish there was some sort of manual for break-ups. Do I have to call them and tell them it's over, or can I just cancel all of my appointments and never show up again? Am I supposed to apologize? Tell him it was good while it lasted? Do I still call on birthdays?! I just have no idea.

I thought about sending a card, because that's just what I do. I'm a card-sender. Unfortunately, Hallmark doesn't make a "parting ways with your mental health professional" greeting card. I thought about a singing telegram, but I don't think he would find it funny. Cookies? Flowers? Empty pill bottles filled with love notes? If someone would just write a book or something that tells me how to part ways, I would be really appreciative.