Here's a somewhat embarrassing note on my past: I resisted getting my eyebrows waxed for longer than appropriate. I don't know what my problem was (subliminal love for Frida Kahlo?), but crossing that threshold happened none too soon in the life and times of me. Ever since, I have been very, very particular about who touches them (wish I could say the same about some other parts). I've had them return to their natural state several times based on my insistence on them being in the right hands. you get it- I am, as the young folks say these days, a "pain in the ass." I would do it myself, but delicate maneuvers requiring nimble fingers and a gentle touch are not my strong suit (ask me about the time I superglued my fingers to my desk!). Add to this my terrible sense of symmetry and I emerge from the bathroom looking a little less like Kahlo and a little more like a Picasso. Hence, I always seek trusted professional guidance.
Which brings me to today, working from home and in desperate need of some eyebrow assistance. Against all better judgement, I decided to try out the nail salon near my house. It's cheap beyond belief and their manicures aren't that bad. Suck it up, self, I said. You need to let go a little- they're just eyebrows!
Things I am never doing again for $200, Alex.
I look absurd. Actually, no. I look surprised! Like I should end! All of my sentences! With this! You should also know that whenever I get upset, one of my many go-to tricks is to stand in front of the mirror, wailing that MY FACE IS LOPSIDED! Tears are usually involved and eventually I call Mom, who always knows just what to say to calm me down- "It's because your face was smashed against the uterine wall for all nine months. Then the doctors had to clamp the forceps on your face, which is why one eye is smaller than the other."
So, now you know. Your choices are either to avoid me for the next month or to throw me a party. I promise to look surprised.
7 years ago
3 comments:
because i am a good friend, when we are in public i will only ask you suspense-inducing questions, which will make your (now) natural state seem appropriate.
"guess WHO showed up to the carnival with a small malaysian boy on a leash?"
"have you heard about the man who got so hungry he ate the naked cowboy?"
"did i ever tell you about the time i had sex on your bed?"
I can't wait to see your (now) natural state! Maybe we SHOULD throw you a surprise party partly so Leyna and ask her suspense laden questions, but also so we can all get drunk and dance...
Do you recall that time freshman year when using one of those little eye brow buzzy trimmer contraptions you see on late night infomercials, my hand slipped and I shaved off half a brow? I think I recall running into your room screaming "I'm bald!" with one hand over my entire eye....ah memories.
really though, you need to update this thing a little more often.
also, ive noticed that youve recently fallen into the habit of forgetting to turn the center knob on the shower from "showerhead" position to "tub faucet" position at the end of your showers. im not saying our friendship is terminated- all im saying is that i have a wet arm every time i try and turn the water on.
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