I saw something funny today

In 8th grade, older brother played me Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus" for the first time. I thought I had FOUND MUSIC. It was pure genius. Important things I did not realize at the time:

1. I was about 10 years too late to be considered cool because I listened to DM (a pattern that defines my taste even now).
2. The music is actually quite terrible.

The man playing the electric violin at the Union Square subway station today didn't get the memo (or maybe his position on the cultural bell curve is even more regrettable than mine). Let me paint you a mental picture. The man had his violin plugged into a little violin amp. Who knew those even existed? Even better were the neon lights coming from within the violin, producing a laser light show of sorts in tandem with his jammin'. His long, gloriously feathered hair was tied in a low pony tail. Hey, violin man thought, if I grow a lot of hair in the back, no one will notice that I have none in the front! His blouse billowed around him as he worked his magic on that violin, his pointy faux-Italian shoes protruding from his too-tight Levis. And what was the gentleman playing? Why, Depeche Mode, of course! I didn't realize it at the time, but I was able to recall the lyrics in an instant. Bi-annual dentist appointments have paid off two-fold: clean teeth and the ability to recall the words to innumerable Kool Jazz/Easy Listening songs. I came home, looked it up, and the song was "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode.

Needless to say, it was a spectacle. I laughed a lot. Then I ate a piece of cheese and watched the subway almost squish a rat and nearly barfed the cheese back up. While I cannot provide you with a reenactment of the show (my electric violin is in the shop), I can link you to the original video! May 1990 live on forever in our hearts...and subway stations.

Sometimes you feel like a nut (and by sometimes, I mean always)

I have a lot of theories living up in my little head, some of which I came up with, but most of which I did not. The one I think about the most (we'll save my original theories for another moon) is the chaos theory. You know, some butterfly flaps its wings and then there is a tornado in Texas. This is also called the "butterfly effect," which is not to be confused with that terrible movie starring Demi's son...er...husband and that faceless chick whose name I can never remember.

Anywho, I believe it, but probably to an absurd degree. Some things are just obvious. I left the water running in the sink and now my house is flooded! I didn't wait for my food to cool off before stuffing my face, and I burned my lip and got a herp-like blister (true story!). See? Obviously related.

Now, the correlation between some events is a little harder to see, but I choose to believe they are connected anyway. I forgot to return an important email and my eyeball swelled up. I told my mom I didn't want to have children and my computer denied me internet for a while (withholding children, withholding internet...so obviously connected!). The chaos theory is clearly at work here. To resolve this latter issue, I swore to the mighty Zeus (Mom) I will not only have kids, but I will raise them Jewish. I promptly got my internet back. And my period.

P.S.- I turned to my good academic resource, Wikipedia, to read about the actual chaos theory. There were lots of big words, one of which was four syllables! Yikes. But then I clapped out the syllables of my own name (yes, clapped. Even smart kids need help sometimes.) and realized that my name is also four syllables. Nevertheless, while this is not a list of proper examples of the real chaos theory, who wants to read all of those big words? Not me! So accept this as science and lets pretend like I am right about everything and the smartest person alive.

I am typing this from my bed, as I still don't have a desk. Frugality plus laziness equals computer on my lap and a bed full of crumbs (oh yeah, I don't have a kitchen table or a couch, either). Anyway, I just looked across the alley and saw straight into another apartment's living room. They have a couch. And they are sitting on it. Which means they spend time in that room. Which means they have seen me in various states of naked. Which makes me both happy and slightly embarrassed.

I watched one of my least favorite shows while eating dinner on my tabledeskbed tonight. It's that one where they make over the houses of people who have endured some sort of trauma. I cried like a little bitch, as I am unmedicated and pms-ing. Damn you, family entertainment for tugging on my heart strings. Damn you, ice heart, for melting a little. Sometimes, the show is a little too Jesus-y for my taste. A hot carpenter leads his minions in the construction of a new shelter, whose inhabitants promise to spread the good word about charity. Ring ANY bells? Still, I suppose it's nice to see something that encourages faith in humanity's benevolence and the goodwill of others. I can't watch more than once a month, though. I cry too much and being dehydrated is annoying.

I am thinking of legally changing my name to Debbie Downer. Whenever I say or do anything, all I hear is that "womp wooomp" sound from the SNL skit. I can't break free from my past, and it is most certainly killing my desire to be in the present and furthermore, to create a future. On that note, I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving and enjoyed themselves and actually GAVE thanks for their life.

See?? WOMP WOMP.

List-o-mania

I am a big fan of lists these days, mainly because:

1. I am lazy
2. They are easy to read
3. They are exactly how I would like my life to be - lovely things with no bullshit in between.

Hence, I present to you a multitude of lists for your personal edification and enjoyment.

Things in my life right now that I enjoy and think everyone else should indulge in:
1. Christmas/holiday spirit
2. 30 Rock, Arrested Development's bastard child.
3. Good Earth tea

Things I would like to have in my life right now, but appear to have left me forever:
1. The pinky toenail on my left foot
2. Good luck
3. Anything resembling a dating life

Things that are out of my life and should stay that way:
1. Mice/creatures on my bed and in my living space/Chinatown
2. Split ends
3. Seafood

Last three things I looked up on Wikipedia:
1. Neuroblastoma
2. Iron Chef America
3. Pineapple

If I held
my breath
like I said
I would
have died
a long time ago
waiting
for you