Study break

I consider myself to be a mature person. I generally find things seventh-grade boys would find funny to be banal and unamusing. The last few days, though, have been a total exception.

Example 1: I was at a party and my friend told me about a computer program that blows up images and makes them look as if they are products of Roy Liechtenstein. It's called the "Rasterbator." Hence, the pictures are rasterbated. Hilarious.

Example 2: I am studying about cities as a part of one of my worthless degrees (a smaller part of my ultimate plan for being unemployed and broke broke broke). I am reading a book about Sao Paulo, Brazil, and the author keeps quoting a survey called "PNADs." I laughed so hard I snorted. The sound ricocheted off of the walls of the "quiet zone" at the library.

Example 3: A guy grabbed one of those exercise balls and set it down next to my machine. He was going to do sit-ups. He sat on the ball, which promptly shot out from under him, sending his ankles over his head and leaving me fighting the urge to point and laugh. I did laugh, but there was no pointing. He just popped up and gave the room the "I-hope-no-one-saw-me" onceover, put the ball back (after chasing it down, of course) and left.

Now, back to studying PNADs, which coincidentally have a sister study: GNADs.

Will Smith. What an asshole.

Rats used to be the biggest nuisance in Washington Square Park. However, this title has recently been stripped from the rodents and passed on to the people filming the new Will Smith movie (which, rumor has it, is about post-apocalyptic zombies...sweeeeet).


Like any good New Yorker, I am completely bothered by their presence...on the outside. Being the social leper that I am, I raise my voice along with the rest of my trust-fund, H&M-wearing, liberal arts peers in boisterous contempt for the filming around the park.

"Don't you realize I am going to be late for my social analysis class? NOW how am I going to tell everyone about my theories of postmodernism and metropolitan jurisdictional equality? This is total BULLSHIT!"

On the inside, though, I am excited at the idea that i may be able to catch a glimpse of the Fresh Prince (maybe a little too excited). This man was a part of my childhood! Like any good parent, my mom left my brother and I alone a lot with nothing but the warm glow of the television to provide us with moral guidance and love. So what did we watch? "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," of course. I liked the first Men in Black. And the second one. I own "Willenium." I want to see Will Smith, damnit!

So, if you hear me yelling about how inconvenienced I am, humor me and play along. And then tell me if you have seen Will Smith around and where I might be able to get an autograph.

Wikiventures

I am currently in a very serious relationship...

With my computer.

I spend hours on end with it, because, well...it's my job. I get paid to sit in front of my computer and push buttons. A chimp could do what I do (and would probably do a better job). But alas, the responsibility is all mine. I don't even have to wear pants!* Anyway, I always keep a window open on my desktop for aimless browsing. Lately, said browsing has been enabled by the "Random Article" link on Wikipedia. Did you know that Smokie Norful won a Grammy for "Best Contemporary Soul Gospel" album in 2005? Neither did I. My point is, you can learn a lot through random browsing, and I highly encourage you to take these little adventures. I learned all about macaroni and cheese ("mak and cheese" in Germany) just by clicking "Random Article." Do it! You won't be disappointed!


*They are constricting. Plus, my favorite pair is completely worn out in the pockets, crotch, and butt, so I try to limit their on-leg time.

Tuesdays with Mommy

I had my weekly conversation with my mother tonight, lasting the requisite hour. The breakdown:

20 minutes: Ass-busting regarding choices (my future, my degree, my education, my friends, etc.)
18 minutes: Gossipy updates about the Jewish community ("You'll never guess who's wearing a wig now!")
10 minutes: Update on latest aches and pains ailing her
6 minutes: Yelling at my brother in the background
3 minutes: All of the things she has eaten today
3 minutes: All of the things she bought today

Some of the high points of the conversation...

"Goyem do the weirdest things." -Mom, reflecting upon the funeral services of a dead neighbor

"I went to the Macy's pre-opening day sale today and saw all the women from Hadassah. They gave us coupons for 15% off everything in the store, so of course all the Jews were there."

"You're killing yourself. Eat some meat. Your father will be happy. For pete's sake, you're killing yourself." - On my decision to not eat steak (as previously discussed)

Had I known my dietary choices would cause this much doemstic discord, I would have stopped eating meat while I was still around to enjoy my parents' anguish in person!

Random/modnaR

Long time, no bitch.

It's not that I haven't had things to complain about, but my new favorite hobby, sleeping, has been consuming much of my time. Pardon the abundant spelling errors in this entry. My new "blogger glasses" are too strong, making it very hard to focus on the keyboard and read what I am typing. Let's see...what's new up in hurrrr?

I have recently decided to eradicate all types of animal flesh from my diet. My reasoning is multi-faceted. The meat served in the dining halls is slightly lower than Grade F, not to mention the fact that the presentation leaves a lot to be desired. A big bowl of hardened meat that looks like pieces of tire in an unidentified brown sauce? No thanks. The fish served here is always served under the general heading "fish" with no specifics as to what type of "filet" is hiding underneath the neon...goop. What about the chicken, you may ask? Well, the chicken looks fine, but I like tofu better. Sooooo, no more meat for me. Father Dearest is convinced that this is why I had a cold last weekend, and then yelled at me for being a "careless hippie." I am so glad my family supports me.

In other news, I have developed a new reaction to anxiety and stress: vomiting. Go figure. Even if I don't actually throw up, I spend hours imagining what would happen if I threw up in the middle of class/on the sidewalk/in the elevator/etc, usually with other people present to witness my humiliation. I was meeting with a TA in a coffee shop, discussing an upcoing essay. All of the sudden, I pictured myself vomiting my recently-eaten banana all over the table, the TA, and myself. I quickly excused myself to the restroom, where I didn't actually throw up, but instead gagged for a few minutes. Put this in the "What is wrong with me?" file.