Tuesdays with Mommy

I had my weekly conversation with my mother tonight, lasting the requisite hour. The breakdown:

20 minutes: Ass-busting regarding choices (my future, my degree, my education, my friends, etc.)
18 minutes: Gossipy updates about the Jewish community ("You'll never guess who's wearing a wig now!")
10 minutes: Update on latest aches and pains ailing her
6 minutes: Yelling at my brother in the background
3 minutes: All of the things she has eaten today
3 minutes: All of the things she bought today

Some of the high points of the conversation...

"Goyem do the weirdest things." -Mom, reflecting upon the funeral services of a dead neighbor

"I went to the Macy's pre-opening day sale today and saw all the women from Hadassah. They gave us coupons for 15% off everything in the store, so of course all the Jews were there."

"You're killing yourself. Eat some meat. Your father will be happy. For pete's sake, you're killing yourself." - On my decision to not eat steak (as previously discussed)

Had I known my dietary choices would cause this much doemstic discord, I would have stopped eating meat while I was still around to enjoy my parents' anguish in person!